Why am I not getting anywhere?

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve last shared. But for those who know me, you know that I try my best not to share anything unless the Holy Spirit has given me something to share.

In the last week or so, I’ve found that my spirit has been circling around a particular area and I believe it’s something that God wants me to hear and share.

 

Lately, I’ve been in a place, where I’ve been worried about my state of unemployment. My last role ended because I needed to take time to be with my son as he needed to have surgery. I didn’t know how long his recovery period would be. But I knew it would not be easy. In fact, it wasn’t. The area that they operated on, took about 6-8 weeks to completely heal. As it was a 6 month contract role and I only had 6 more weeks to go, I could not be on leave for 6 weeks, so my contract was terminated early.

During this process, I kept applying for jobs, but I was really just trusting God to place me in a full time role with benefits instead of the ten years of contract jobs that I was doing (I should point out for those of you who are not in Canada, that most short term administrative related jobs have no benefits). To be honest, I was frustrated, because I felt that after having graduated with 2 degrees, I would have landed a sustainable job. I needed this kind of job now. I needed to have my career started. Especially as a single mom. I need to have that stability to provide a safe and comfortable place for my son.

Anyway, after about 6 months of applying for jobs, at the time of writing this, I am still unemployed…(It pinches every time I say that). I’ve had interviews. I have had second interviews. Nothing has happened. At one point I even got so desperate that i began to lower my expectations of work. I started to apply for jobs that I was clearly overqualified for.

For those of you who are in the boat of unemployment, you know how this feels….When all of your friends seem to be successful and you are not. When you begin to second guess yourself- your personality, your qualifications…. the colour of your skin??

It was not until yesterday that I felt the Holy Spirit really began to drive home to me what was happening. Here’s how it happened:

I read this scripture:

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. Prov 16:9

When I first read this scripture, I brushed over it. I read the commentary on it, but I just didn’t think it applied to me. But it has been one of those things that has been on my heart ever since.

One day I was having an Art Therapy Tea Party, and as we were sharing, one of the girls said the most profound things. She said that when we don’t get the desires of our hearts, it’s probably because of wrong timing or that our desires don’t align with His desires for us. It’s only when the two align, that God can move.

Then Last Sunday, I was listening to a message by Steven Furtick, Pastor of Elevation Church and he was sharing on how we ask God for favour for certain things (e.g. a good parking spot) and when we don’t see the manifestation, we think that God has not given us favour, not realizing that His favour aligns with His will and plan for our lives and not our own.

That same day, when I was in church, one of my pastors delivered a message on humility. The message was profound, but I believe that one of the things that God ministered to me was that I need to humble myself. 

Now I’m going to piece together this whole experience of what God has been laying on my heart.

All this while, I’ve been wanting God to provide a job to meet my needs. I just really don’t want my son growing up like I was and I’ve been determined to fight back the generational curse of lack that I’ve battled my whole life. I also have a huge amount of student loans that have to be addressed. My prayer in this season has been that God would provide me a 9-5 job that was permanent and had benefits so that I could be allowed to take a vacation (which I’ve never done), and just take a few paid sick days to take care of my son. This is what I want. It’s not a lot. I just want a basic lifestyle.
But what I’ve been missing and praying amiss, is that what I want has not been lining up with what God wants for me. Yes, God wants me to be successful.  Yes, He wants me to have a good job. But God will only place me in a position where He gets glory. He will place me in a position where I can be a blessing to others. And He will place me in a position where He can get the most use out of me.

Now, I have two degrees- an Undergraduate Degree and a Master’s. I’ve been to Med school. I dare say that academically, I am sound. I’ve worked and done so many things, that my skill set should really allow me to get a position that would bring in no less than 75k. Yet, I’m not there. I’m not even close to being there. But all of this, sums up to one thing…. PRIDE. And what God is requiring of me is to humble myself. God might have me work in a cafeteria  for all I know. I might end up going on social assistance even. I say all of these things and I am flinching as I type. But that’s the problem. What God wants for me is to totally submit my life to him. And trust that He will provide for my every desire. He wants me to realize that when I accepted Him as the Love of my life, I no longer lived, But Christ in me. That means my dreams, my degrees, my wants and my desires…I have to lay them at the foot of the altar and let Him align me with His dreams, His wants, His desires. I have no business walking around with my own until and unless He transforms them into what He wants. It is only when I align with His will and desires for me, that I can truly fulfil purpose. Otherwise all I will be doing is ‘working a job’.

What this has taught me is that I need to let go of me. I need to let go of my fears of tomorrow, of my ideas of wealth, my ideas of where I think I need to be because of who I am. I am not here for me. Bringing a son into this world, I realize now more than ever, I am here to raise a part of the next generation of Kingdom warriors. I am here for the person next door, the people that I will work with. So my best place, is to submit myself to the place where God wants me to be and be okay with that, and trust that He will meet my needs. I am learning…trying to accept this now as I let Him direct me to the right work opportunity.

So how is this relevant to you? A lot of you are working 9-5, living mundane lives. Some of you are even miserable and burnt out, even though you make good money, you have nice things. For someone, you’re unemployed and it seems like nothing is changing and your savings are about to run out. For some of you, it doesn’t even have to do with your job, you just feel like you’re not making any headway in life. You feel stuck. As if you’ve been hitting a brick wall for a very long time. On the outside, it seems like you have it made. But on the inside, you just feel as though things are not happening for you at the pace you would like. I want to ask you this? Have you been allowing God to direct your path? Or have you been doing what you want and expecting Him to bless you. Have you totally submitted your desires to Him and asked Him to give you His desires? Have you asked Him how you can be a blessing in your place of work, on the bus? God’s ability to bless you is determined on your ability to fulfil His purpose for your life.

I’ll stop there for today.

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