In order to move on, we must forgive.
No one really likes to forgive. It somehow makes us feel as if we are letting the other person get away with hurting us. This is why I think that forgiveness is a truly spiritual ‘process’- your natural self does not want to do. Sometimes you may think you have forgiven; but when you keep remembering what was done, it’s probably because there is still some room for forgiveness. Yes, there is a time to be angry. But being angry for six months…six years…When does it end?
When one is still feeling pain over an issue, forgiveness isn’t something you want to deal with. But even Jesus forgave after He had cried out. Jesus endured a lot. He was bruised physically. But I think…that it was the emotional pain that really made the physical pain worse. Here were people whom He had given His time to, healed, loved…and when He was being nailed to the cross, many of them had walked away. They even spat on Him. He didn’t have to forgive them either. As God, He could have just smote them all! But He cried out:
Father forgive them for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34)
Perhaps no one has ever spat on you per se. But perhaps in your moment of ‘stuck’ you have tried to mend things, only to find out that the other person really insulted you or your intelligence. They came into your life, and walked away without reason. Or they told you some half truth expecting you to believe that that was why the relationship didn’t work. And yet you see them engaged in other relationships. You’ve been ‘spat’ on.
There’s no use dwelling on how or why someone ‘spat’ on you. I was saying to someone recently, that ‘why’ is a subjective term. You will never get a good enough answer. Instead of asking, questioning, turning it over and over in your head… lift them up to God and forgive them. I have heard of supernatural breakthroughs happening for people when they forgave others. Doors of opportunity can swing open, the person that will love you and treat you for the prince and princess that you are may come to you. If you are bitter about your past, it is difficult to see anything good that God wants to give to you.
God makes a big deal about forgiveness. Almost in every book of the bible in the new testament, grace requires forgiveness. In Matt 5:14-15, Jesus said:
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
We must remember two things. When we accept God as our Father, He takes care of us. He is probably also the Father of the other person. So He might have some issue with us being bitter with His other children. He may also not give us what we need when we walk in unforgiveness. He is the one who executes vengeance. And we need to trust that He will take vengeance if it needs to be taken.
We also need to remember that it is very likely that the person that hurt you, is probably living his/her life. Making their mark in the world. Dating again…Loving again. They are not stuck. You are.
Unforgiveness debilitates you.
Joyce Meyer wrote a book on forgiveness called Do Yourself a favor…Forgive. I encourage you to read it if you are struggling in this area.
A note on forgiving and forgetting. Only last night, I was discussing something along these lines with my roommate. I don’t think that you can naturally forget what has happened or what was done to you. Life is dynamic and there will always be repetitions of things that can hurt you. But I think that when you choose to forgive, and you truly keep forgiving as you remember the hurt, the hurt will eventually lessen. As the hurt lessens, you will forget the hurt. This is why I think forgiveness is a spiritual process.
So if you truly want to move on, begin to release people from what they have done to you. Forgive them. You are only hurting yourself and keeping you in “Stuck”.